The adventures of "me"

This is not going to be the usual post so if your looking for the wonderful pictures of our beautiful family, check back later. The title of this blog is (or should be) the adventures of Jaiden and Lilli one day at a time but today I'm feeling the need to share part of my adventure. Not so much for anyone else's benefit but more for a feeling of just getting it out knowing that someone else will see it, understand it, and somehow validate it even if it is all unspoken. I'm still not sure that this is the right place but here we go none the less...
I guess we'll start with my day. I had a feeling it was coming but this morning, I lost a very dear friend; my cat of 10 years Oscar. He was always a very loyal companion and as much as any cat can be, he was mine. His energy will be greatly missed along with the occasional head-butts and the evening lap warming.
Along with this loss, I feel like my life is taking a new direction. I realized today that I've had Oscar as long as I've been in my current profession (a little bit of everything at Studio 8). Yesterday, I went to the shop for a visit for the first time since Lilli's birth and it was a very weird feeling. Not bad but weird. It was like suddenly looking down and realizing that the shoes you've been wearing for the past 11 years don't fit anymore. They're very comfortable shoes but when you look down, they just don't feel good. When you look a little closer, you realize that they don't look good either and they have a few holes in them. It's not really that big of a deal because you know you can just go get a new pair of shoes it's just a weird feeling because you've worn them so long. Anyways, that's how I felt yesterday at a place where I've called home for almost 11 years. It seems like everywhere I look, I see change. Good change but change none the less. One neighbor is moving due to foreclose, another lost his job, a new life is born, and an old friend is lost. I feel so blessed and I'm not scared. I think I'm just trying to figure out this new role called "me". Anna had a meetup last week called "What hats do you wear". I feel like I am gracefully taking off one hat in favor of another even if I'm not sure what that new hat is. I am so enjoying staying home with my children and I'm not under any delusion that this is it for me. In some ways, I envy those women (and men) that can devote their whole lives to their kids putting all of their dream on hold. I know that I'm not one of those people. My children will always come first and how can I teach then to be true to themselves and enjoy life if I can't do the same.
When I think back, I had a similar feeling to this after Jaiden was born. That's when I decided to become a Hypnobabies instructor. I have never regretted that decision and because of that I know that the decisions I make from here will always lead me in the right direction, I'm not sure where this new road is going but I'm going to do my best to enjoy the ride.
In love and light,
Steph